I just wish he wasn’t so busy being the president of Space.Īgain, and I don’t wanna sound gay, but Kevin Spacey in a cape = instant must-see. This is a Chinese movie, and yes, that’s Kevin Spacey in there. I still can’t believe Adrien Brody’s in this.īe honest, you just re-released It’s Complicated with a different title, right? Come on, you can tell me, my mom doesn’t even read this site. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA “BAKED SALE” HAHAHAHAHAHA. You know, when you said “Giant Mechanical Man” I was not expecting a lost Friends episode. Rifle rounds are for pussies, real men wear shotgun-shell bandoliers.Įffete British men running around being scared of everything sounds terrible, but I enjoy disheveled Simon Pegg in his underpants. Shave one side of Dolph’s head and he’d look like every Skrillex-looking chick in Williamsburg. Have you seen Terry Crews’s trailer trailer for this yet? As far as trailers for trailers go, you’d be hard pressed to do better than Terry Crews screaming at people.
An’ if da gun don’ work, oy’s got free ta foive focken frowin knoives ta stick da cunts wiv, now don’ Oy. Yeh, you’s bettah believe Oy’s got a flashloight, can’t very wew see where Oy’s shoo’in wivout a focken flashloit, now can Oy, Tommy. Personally, I think he’d look more evil if he was holding a baguette or something, but that’s just me.Įh oh, get a load a Barney Rubble ova heah, thinks he’s a cowboy.Ĭhuck Norris ain’t wear no beret, cuz he’s from ‘MURICA!
Christian Slater’s forehead is pure nightmare fuel. Though I do appreciate the poster designer cropping out Christian Slater’s 12-foot-long forehead. “In theaters,” uh-huh, suuuure it will be. He and Brandon Routh should team up to play star-lacrosse’d lovers.
This could be even better than Kellen Lutz’s gay lacrosse movie. With a poster like this, you know the trailer is going to be awesome.į*CK YES CHUMBAWUMBA! Oh, man.
I know the jenga cabins thing was supposed to be a clue, but no one who hasn’t seen the movie would have any idea what the hell that was supposed to mean.ĭoes this look more like a Dead Kennedys album cover or a Megadeth album cover? Discuss. Lovers of tongue-in-cheek humor such as myself generally don’t go in for films about pretty people with serious faces getting killed in the woods. I really liked Cabin in the Woods, and I probably would’ve seen it a lot sooner if the marketing had given me any kind of indication as to what kind of movie it was. Ĭould be good, but my interest in any film reduces by 20% every time a critic quote includes the word “poetry.”Ī lady rides side-saddle! Dammit, Brave, We’ll never marry you off without a hymen! If it had been aimed at someone like me, they would’ve pitched it as a Game of Thrones spinoff.įaced with her father’s fading health and environmental changes that release an army of prehistoric creatures called aurochs, six-year-old Hushpuppy leaves her Delta-community home in search of her mother.
They definitely made this one look like it comes with a free NPR subscription, which tells you the audience they’re going for. I’ve said it before, but if I was Spider-Man, I’d definitely hold my arm up to my crotch and pretend jack off while I shot web “jizz” everywhere. Not only is it not tilted sideways for no reason, it’s got Spider-Man’s arm as a phallic reference prepared to squirt hot webbing on bad boys. That makes this instantly recognizable as a trend follower, without presenting any internal logic as to why this should follow it. Every crappy poster these days has the subject tilted diagonally like that. I haven’t seen the movie, but I can tell you I hate this poster and its stupid diagonal slant. And just when I thought I couldn’t get any more turned on, I read “Peter Sarsgaard.”īefore you get too excited, remember that Amanda Seyfried says she’ll never do “full frontal.” Come on, babe, people are gonna start thinking you’re uptight.Īnd here’s the new poster for The Amazing Spider-Man, which Sony may or may not hate. I am literally laying an egg right now, that’s how freaking cute it looks. In practice, something about that eye position, I can’t stop picturing the crow as her sassy gay sidekick. I’m sure the poster designer for this was excited about his super clever idea – “the crow will be her mask, like an optical illusion!” On paper, it probably sounded great.